Grief

As I walked down the steps of the church I see a group of police cars and ambulance drive by. 

 I looked over at all the commotion wondering what had happened. 

I can remember crowd that surrounded the emergency vehicles and I join them walking towards the scene.

I look over peoples shoulders who are shoving to get closer in curiosity.

I spot my daughters car on the side of the road.

My heart rate speeds as I shove the person in front of me.

 I yell as I scramble towards the nearest police officer.

He looks down at me with great empathy, telling me I can not pass.

He whispers in to his walki-talki that someone recognizes the victim's car.

Victim? 

My stomach dropped as the words leave his lips and I felt my knees start to collapse next to me.

The savage brothers joins my side in shock as I stared straight ahead. 

They tried to shove through the cops yelling and screaming.

Why am I not yelling and screaming?

That's my daughter's car.

What happened to my daughter?

I couldn't seem to get out of the darkness surrounding my every being.

She's okay. She's okay.

I keep telling myself. I can't lose Katie, I can't.
I can't lose my sweet, innocent girl.

I can't go through a loss like that.
Not again.

I closed my eyes and memories flash to me of the last time I spent time with Katie.

Like, really spent time with her.

I missed her, I missed her so much. 

I opened my eyes focusing on Sean walking towards me.

I can't lose my baby girl.

Jimmy Marcus. N.d. Graphic. http://www.sagawards.org/Web. 7 Nov 2013. <http://www.sagawards.org/awards/nominees-and-recipients/10th-annual-screen-actors-guild-awards>. 

Deer Island House of Corrections

Walking into a place I now call my home I realized where my actions have brought me. I spent my life trying to find just a moment in time where I felt excited about something. That something could be anything, anything that got my adrenaline pumping. I sat on a hard, rough surface that represented a bed. I laid my head down on my non-existent pillow just thinking about what lead me to this place in my life. It was innocent at first. I admit that I was a bad influence but that's it. I'm no hardcore criminal. I'm not what any of these guards staring me down think I am. I am  a person, a person who has made some mistakes. So why do they look at me like I'm a deviant? 

The walls surrounding me were covered in marks from passed prisoners.

The walls were dirty, uncleaned by any antibacterial. Who knows what substances cover these darkened walls. Talking to some of the inmates I came to know that these walls were built over an Indian burial ground. Now I know why I felt an uneasy feeling. I have running thoughts playing in my head of these taunted souls. 


The only thing I feel hopeful about is what I will do upon my release. Who will I become? Will i find myself back inside these walls? I don't want to rot here like the people around me who say they are here for life. They have no hope, no family to support them, no nothing. I can only hope my family and friends will support me upon my release. I need a real job, one to keep me on my feet. I need a place to live. Somewhere out of trouble that I can call a real home.

 

N.d. Graphic. http://www.listal.comWeb. 4 Nov 2013. <http://www.listal.com/list/oh-oh-oscar>.